Certain Doubt

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Posts Tagged ‘9gag’

Why Newt Gingrich Will Never Be President

Thursday, December 8th, 2011

Newt Gingrich will never be president of the United States.

My reasoning is simple:

1 Newt Gingrich is too intelligent to be president.
Republicans voters don’t trust Presidents that talk down to them or who come off as acting smarter than they are. Evidence? George W. Bush. In order to get elected he had to drop his rich elitist cloak and don the mantle of the “good ole boy” Texan. As a University professor who loves peppering his speeches with adverbs, Newt simply can’t dumb down his rhetoric enough to appeal to dumb and intellectually insecure voters.

2 Newt Gingrich is too unlikeable to be president.
The last time Newt got close to being president (as Speaker of the house) he pissed off so many people that even his own caucus voted to remove him. Again, republican voters seem to favor candidates like “W” who look like a guy they’d like to sit down and have a beer with. If you went out drinking with Newt he could probably quote you chapter and verse about how the bar should fire the janitor and hire some poor black kid so he could learn the “value of hard work.” But ask him about baseball or NASCAR and you’ll probably get a blank stare. The sad fact is, nobody likes Newt.

3 Newt Gingrich has too much baggage.
Two divorces – the second one while he was having an affair with his current wife – house censure for ethics violations, tax evasion charges. After a while even the most dyed-in-the-wool fiscal hawk has to admit, Newt has an image problem when it comes to honesty and trustworthiness. And while he may not admit to a drinking problem – like W did – he also doesn’t have enough money or media connections to make his baggage go away. Again, for the “values voters” things like marital fidelity matter.

4 Newt Gingrich is short.
It is an axiom among presidential campaigns that the taller of the two candidates usually wins. This is not always true but in this day and age of media blitzes and presidential photo ops, it’s harder and harder to make up for one’s, shall we say, shortcomings? Newt’s website lists him at 6′-0″. I don’t believe it. Compared with either Barrack Obama or Mitt Romney, he looks like a short, pudgy white guy who could really use some of John Boehner’s Quick Tanning Lotion. I think the only way Newt can overcome being height challenged is if he saws about six inches off of Romney’s legs.

5 Newt Gingrich doesn’t want to be president.
From the early fiasco of taking a cruise while the other contenders were out knocking on doors, to his continuing reliance on book signings to keep him in the public eye, Newt appears as a man who would rather continue giving lectures at 80,000$ a pop and raking in money as a high paid lobbyist and corporate shill than be President. I mean really, can you conceive of a Commander in Chief who puts meetings with Putin and Merkel on hold because he’s got a date at Barnes and Nobel? What’s he going to do when there’s rioting in the streets because people can’t even find work as school janitors… give a lecture at Watsa-Motta-U.?

Conclusion:
I can hear some of you out there whining: “If he’s not serious about running, why is are republicans giving him so much credence?” I have a theory about this. When it comes to defeating Barrack Obama republicans know they have an image problem. They are running against an established incumbent who was swept into office on a tide of popularity. While that popularity has waned some, in close elections, the incumbent almost always gets the nod. Thus the only thing they can do is present a bunch of wacko candidates who say wacko things, keep the republican meme of “don’t tax the for job creators” and position themselves so that when the “reasonable” one in the field emerges on top – Mitt Romney – all the republicans can breathe a sigh of relief and say “at least we didn’t get [fill in the blank]. So all Newt really is, is the latest Cain/Bachmann/Santorum/Perry: a stalking horse who will say outrageous things to keep people tune in to the “debates.”

It’s classic slight of hand. Listen to Newt try to reason that child labor laws are actually bad for poor kids. All the while, the corporatists in the House and Senate pass bill after bill designed to rip off the tax payer by reducing corporate taxes and regulations and passing the cost off onto you and me.
Trust me on this one. Come the election next year, Newt will be a distant memory.

Tags: 9gag, Certain Doubt, election, Gingrich, newt, Newt Gingrich, Obama, poltics, president, reddit, republican, Thomas Vincent, Vincent
Posted in Daily Rant, Ethics, Politics, government, media | No Comments »

Occupy The Rich

Thursday, November 17th, 2011

Today something happened I never would have expected. I found myself agreeing with Steve Forbes.

In an interview today the billionaire and one time presidential candidate intimated that the Occupy Wall street protestors were protesting in the wrong place.

I couldn’t agree more.

Of course Steve - “Mr. Flat Tax” – Forbes ruined it by going on to say the place protestors should be is the Halls of Congress… ostensibly to convince law makers to remove the few rules and regulations that allow him and his cronies to amass huge fortunes on the backs of hard working middle class workers.

Though I empathize and support the “Occupy Movement,” I’m also in agreement with those who think most of the protests are symbolic, undirected, and largely ineffectual, in part because they are “occupying” the wrong place. If the 99% really wants to affect change, they should take their protest to those truly responsible for their misery.

In other words, they should camp out on Steve Forbes’ lawn.

Plopping yourself down in the middle of Wall Street and chaining yourself to a lamp post might make you feel revolutionarily righteous. But it’s not going to do squat about changing the fundamental reasons you are homeless, jobless, and without healthcare. Why?

The 1% don’t care about you.

Why should they? They don’t even see you. At best you are an annoyance, like a wad of gum stuck to their shoe. You can keep marching in the streets all you want. You can join hands and wail about injustice till you’re blue in the face. It’s not going to do a thing to get assholes like Steve Forbes out of their plush country club comfort zones.

But if we start showing up on their lawns, if we can paint a color picture for the media of the disparity of wealth between young unemployed black men and white, entitled, Trust fund babies like Forbes, then and only then will we start to make them take notice and possibly change their behavior.

84 year old Dorli Rainey of Seattle got her 15 minutes of fame – in the form of an apology from the mayor and an interview with Keith Olbermann – when she was pepper-sprayed at a Seattle street protest. But imagine how much more effective that incident would have been if she had been sprayed on the grounds of the Koch brother’s Estate?

The sad picture of Ms. Rainey dripping with peppery goo that went viral was an effective symbol of police brutality and excess. But I can’t help but think the protest against Karl Rove – who was heckled recently at a speech he tried to give at the University of Virginia – was much more efficacious.

In my opinion, this is the direction the occupy movement should take. If you are suffering because of inequality and injustice, rather than meaningless confrontations with urban police in riot gear, why not take the protest to those who are responsible for your misery. Instead of protesting Bank of America at one of their branch offices, why not take the fight directly to the fat cats who own Bank of America?

The Koch Brothers made news with their secretive database of millionaires whom they can tap for campaign cash in 2012.

Why don’t we make our own database. A list of billionaires whom we can hound by showing up on their doorsteps till they stop acting like Oligarchic Emperors, till they quit hoarding all the money, and till they quit using their piles of cash to subvert the electoral will of the people?

The 1% need computers to compile their database. Ours can be more low tech. All we need to do is look for the mansions and country clubs.

By the Way, Make sure to check out Firedoglake’s effort to get warm clothes to occupiers: go to: https://donate.firedoglake.com/weatherize/contribute

Tags: 1%, 99%, 9gag, billionaires, economics, Forbes, inequality, occupy, protest, reddit, Thomas Vincent, Vincent, wall street
Posted in Daily Rant, Ethics, Politics, economics, government, humor, media | No Comments »

Michele’s Revelation

Friday, September 2nd, 2011

I swear this woman is becoming a caricature of herself.

http://www.freakingnews.com/Michele-s-Revelation-Pictures-100328.asp

Tags: 9gag, Bachmann, campaign, certaindoubt, doubtful1, freakingnews, God, hurricane, Irene, Politics, reddit, republican, Vincent Thomas Vincent
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Marie Antoinette Bachmann

Thursday, September 1st, 2011

The ultimate Matriarch?

Tags: 9gag, Bachmann, certaindoubt, doubtful1, economics, government, jobs, Marie Antoinette, Michele Bachmann, Politics, queen, reddit, spending, Thomas Vincent, Vincent
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

It Can’t Happen Here

Thursday, August 25th, 2011

It can’t happen here…. Right?

http://9gag.com/gag/219554/?add_post=success

Tags: 9gag, certaindoubt, http://digg.com/news/politics/it_can_t_happen_here_2, imgur, Perry, Politics, president, reddit, religion, Rick Perry, satire, tea party, Thomas Vincent, Vincent
Posted in Daily Doubt, Politics, Uncategorized, government, humor, satire | No Comments »

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